The Core Patterns Quietly Undermining Your Happiness
Schemas are old patterns that get you "stuck" and take you away from the life you want to live.
Clients often ask me why they have certain self-defeating patterns.
This article is my answer to that question.
In this article, I’ll show you how a small number of deeply learned patterns — called schemas — quietly shape your thoughts, emotions, and choices.
The term schemas comes from Schema Therapy, an extension of classic cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).1
Schema Therapy focuses on 18 “maladaptive” core beliefs that capture counter-productive patterns of thinking and acting.
The goal of Schema Therapy is to help you pull back from living a schema-driven life so that you can, instead, live a life directed by your values.2
Schema Therapy has been proven to be helpful across a range of psychological challenges3 and I believe that understanding your schemas is a vital part of living the life you want to live.4
I’ll tell you a bit more about what schemas are and where they come from — but first, one important reminder: the goal isn’t to “hate on” your schemas. As you’ll see, your schemas are trying to help you and protect you — they’re just out of date.
What are Schemas?
In our early years, little humans need to find ways to get their core needs met.
These are needs like safety, predictability, and self-esteem.5
Schemas are the concepts — about yourself and your place in the world — that you developed to help you get these needs met. They’re rules that were meant to help keep you safe and that also helped you get the attention and resources of caregivers.
I’m talking about rules like:
“If I don’t perform at a high level, I’ll lose respect or approval.”
“Other people can’t really be relied on — it’s safer to handle things myself.”
“My needs matter less than avoiding conflict.”
“If I express emotion, it will burden people. I’m too much.”
