The Power of the Word "Enough"

We need less perfectionism.

Never underestimate the power of the word enough.

What if…

…it’s good enough?
…you’ve done enough?
…you’re enough?

Contemplating “enoughness” isn’t just a platitude about you as a person.

“Enoughness” is a powerful redirection in the face of over-analysis and worry.

People with high expectations of themselves often doubt their enoughness:

• Am I doing enough to be approved of at work?

• Am I doing enough for my kids?

• Am I making enough money?

This inner analysis isn’t consequence-free. Stress about trying to measure up and doubts about enoughness can contribute to clinical levels of depression and anxiety.

Instead of debating enoughness, practice subtly saying to yourself “it’s enough” or “good enough.”

Don’t worry, doing this won’t turn you into an accountable “slob.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and make the assumption that if you’re reading this, you’re likely the type of person who needs less “self-accountability” (aka harsh judgment), not more.

Satisficing: The Good Enough Skill

There’s a well-researched (see the Evidence section below), but not-so-well-known, decision-making strategy called satisficing.

In technical terms, satisficing = a decision-making strategy or cognitive heuristic that entails searching through the available alternatives only until an acceptability threshold is met.

The term is a combination of the words satisfactory and sufficient.

Satisficing is an antidote to perfectionism.

Here’s an example - let’s start with a consumer purchase situation that highlights the difference between satisifcing and what the research literature calls “optimizing” (a synonym for perfectionism):

Let’s say you’re going to book a hotel for an upcoming vacation.

You could spend dozens of hours trying to find the “optimal” (aka “perfect”) hotel at the best possible price. You could look at each of the hotels in the area, read reviews, check Google Maps for proximity to each relevant attraction, ask friends, contact several hotels, and so on. You might even do an Excel spreadsheet listing each hotel, its price, and comparing various pros and cons.

Or, you could take 10-15 minutes, identify the 3-4 criteria that are important to you and find a perfectly acceptable hotel in a good location. That’s satisficing.

Now, let’s look at something less cut-and-dry.

Let’s say your child’s birthday party is coming up. You care deeply about your child and your role as a parent. You feel pulled to really go all in, perhaps motivated by a sneaky guilt that you’re failing them if you don’t pull off the perfect party.

So, on a busy Saturday, between taking the dog to the vet, getting groceries, and running your kids to soccer practice, you head to the local Dollar General. You load up on balloons, miscellaneous toys, and coloring books…essentially everything they have that’s in-line with the Paw Patrol theme your child so desperately wants for their party.

After much consternation, you pay, load up the car, and tell Google Maps to take you to your next destination - a bakery 24 minutes across town that your friend said you need to check out. After getting to the bakery and spending 36 minutes looking through all the options, you place an order for a pricey Paw Patrol cake.

When you get home, you spend 3-and-a-half hours crafting absolutely beautiful invitations for each of your kid’s 16 little classmates. Worried that the kids will be bored (or the other parents will judge you) if you simply have the party at your place, you fork out an ungodly sum of money to book a soccer facility for the party. After opening your laptop to electronically sign the waiver for the soccer facility and inputting your credit card info, you feel your work is (finally) done.

And, hey, maybe it will be a truly awesome party.

You clearly care about your child…that’s not in doubt. But, trying to go above and beyond - especially if it’s motivated by a fear of judgment or fear of failing - could be a detrimental form of optimizing.

Plus, even if you do all the work of planning the “perfect” party, it’s an illusion that it’ll actually create the exact outcome you want. Despite all the work, through no fault of your own, your child may have a meltdown the day of the party and proclaim that they “don’t even like Paw Patrol anymore!”

So, what’s the alternative to this massive energy spend? The alternative is to take a satisficing approach. Identify what’s satisfactory and sufficient for your child to have a reasonable party:

• A few balloons

• A decent cake

• A few of their close buddies

• A parent who loves them and has taken the time to celebrate their birthday

These are the ingredients that matter.

Not matter the situation, satisficing is about identifying the ingredients (or, criteria) that matter and giving yourself permission not to run yourself ragged with trying to be perfect.

If you burn yourself out on things that you don’t truly need or value, will you really have the patience, kindness, and energy to deal with more important concerns your child has when they come up? Or, will you be exhausted, upset and resentful?

I’d argue that satisficing goes hand-in-hand with managing our mental, emotional, and physical resources, including managing our patience and resentment as well.

Now, I don’t want the example above to come across as judgmental of parents who go the extra mile for their kids. That’s not what I’m getting at. If you value a given experience and want your child to have that experience, there’s nothing wrong with spending the time and energy on throwing an awesome party with all the Paw Patrol fixings. Likewise for valued projects and pursuits in work and other domains.

And, I’m not suggesting that things that are hard or fatiguing are bad. Nor that we are fragile and shouldn’t exert ourselves.

What I am cautioning against is dragging yourself to do something to an unnecessarily perfectionistic or optimizing standard….especially if it isn’t aligned with your values.

The message is that the power is yours - sometimes you will want to optimize, perfect, and go above and beyond. There’s nothing wrong with that in select instances. But, unless you’re some bionic bunny, you can’t do that all the time.

Image credit: Janet Choi; https://blog.idonethis.com/satisficing/

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Saying, “good enough” moves us away from unnecessary perfectionism, especially for all kinds of subtle little ways you’re over-analyzing yourself on a day-to-day basis.

Think about the ongoing inner chatter you have as you analyze all of the woulds, coulds, shoulds in your life:

• Did I word that text in the best way possible?

• Did I smile enough (or too much) at that work meeting?

• Did I say the right thing to that work colleague I bumped into at the grocery store?

If you agree that you need more good enoughs in your life, you can view satisficing as a practical tool that will help you pull yourself out of unnecessary analysis and self-doubt.

By definition, when you’re satisficing, if something is adequate, you accept it and then refrain from further work, searching, and analysis.

Engaging in perfectionistic over-analysis assumes that there’s an optimal way to comport yourself in a given situation, and that if you just analyze and worry about it enough, you’ll find a way to achieve “perfect.”

The satisficing approach offers an alternative that preserves your energy, time, and happiness. Satisficing means taking your best guess at what is reasonable in a given situation, and giving up the search for “optimal” or “perfect” knowing that it’s usually a fool’s errand.

Evidence

The ability to satisfice is one of my 18 habits for happiness. But, as Levar Burton always said on Reading Rainbow, you don’t have to take my word for it: the research backs-up the idea that satisficiers are happier than optimizers.

In a classic study, social psychologists found:

• Optimizing was associated with lower levels of happiness, optimism, self-esteem, and life satisfaction.

• Optimizing was associated with higher levels of depression, perfectionism, and regret.

• Optimizers were less satisfied with consumer decisions, and more likely to engage in social comparison.

• Optimizers were more adversely affected by upward social comparison.

Become a Strategic Satisficer

Over-analysis and feeling that you need to achieve “optimal” or “perfect” is counterproductive. It leads to perpetual stuckness and demoralization…even on the simplist things.

Choose enough instead.

Satisfice instead of trying to optimize, analyze, and maximize every little detail and decision. Good enough is good enough.

Make your personal standard about simply being reasonable, not about being perfect.

I’ve seen too many good people suffer and get less than desirable results by throwing out the perfectly good in a chase for the perfect.

Cut through the analysis and, when in doubt, ask:

• Was I reasonable?

• Was I decent?

• Did I purposely hurt or deceive anyone?

At every opportunity, at every decision, give yourself permission to say:

• It’s fine.

• It’s good enough.

• It’s reasonable enough.
  

…then given yourself credit and move on to the next part of your day. When you do this, you’re not just stating a platitude, you’re satisficing - a science-based strategy that contributes to happiness.

You’re a good person and the world needs you to focus your energy on what matters, not on analyzing every little decision. Plus, you’ll be happier having decided to be a satisficer. Win-win.