Why We Worry (and how problem solving is different)

There's an important distinction between worrying vs. problem solving and sometimes it's hard to know the difference (speaking from experience).

"...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

Worry is a strange thing. If you’re prone to worry, you know how sticky it is.

Many competent, professional clients I see have a harsh inner critic that’s often asking them to control more or do more or do better. Worry is a tool that your inner critic uses to get you to take action on perceived problems in your life. The problem is that worry, by definition, is useless.

This article will give you a new perspective on what worry truly is. It’ll give you insight into why you worry and why your worries feel so sticky, along with discussing the strategies I use with clients to help them pull back from worry.

Stress and Anxiety: The Physiology

Worry is related to your physiological stress response. Although it can feel like your stress response is working against you, it’s actually a very fine-tuned threat detection system. Evolutionarily, it was critical for humans to be able to predict threats, whether this be the threat of a bear in a cave or the threat of rejection from a social group. Although our threat detection system makes evolutionary sense, we’re living in a different world today, particularly as it relates to the threat of social rejection. Today, social rejection is not a matter of life and death, although it very much could have been 100,000 years ago.

Insight into the outdated nature of our threat detection system is an important first step in challenging its false alarms. Knowing that it’s outdated means that you don’t need to take it as seriously as you usually do. When your threat detection system is serving you with a false alarm, I encourage you to gently and compassionately thank it for the suggestion and redirect your attention to what you actually do control - and away from trying to solve every “problem” it serves up.

Allergy to Uncertainty

If you’re like a lot of worriers, you likely have a high sensitivity to uncertainty. You can think of this as an allergy to uncertainty. Some people can eat a jar of peanuts without a problem. Others can tolerate only a microscopic dose of peanuts. The same goes for uncertainty, or at least it feels that way.

You might know people in your life with a high tolerance for uncertainty: job situation uncertain? uncertain situation involving neighbours? realtionship up in the air? not sure where you’ll be living in six months? No problem! That’s an example of someone with a high tolerance for uncertainty. This person is also not likely to be described as a “worrier.”

If, on the other hand, you have an allergy to uncertainty, even low doses of uncertainty can trigger your over-active threat detection system. This can activate an intense and anxiety-provoking cycle of worry.

The Worry Cycle

The Worry Cycle begins with uncertainty or ambiguity in some area of your life. This could be any area - work, relationships, personal goals, etc. Examples include upcoming deadlines, challenging projects, receiving an unwanted email, performance evaluations, or the fear of rejection. What’s consistent is that the worry involves some kind of uncertainty, which is perceived as a threat, especially if you have a sensitivity to uncertainty.

Once triggered, you can find yourself caught in a spiral of excessive worry. This involves repetitive and intrusive thoughts about potential negative outcomes, driven by a desire for control and a fear of failure. The continuous loop of worry can become overwhelming, interfering with your concentration and productivity. If chronic, this cycle leads to demoralization, which explains why a lot of chronic worriers are at risk for depressive symptoms.

As part of the process of worrying, you may engage in "What If?" thinking, generating hypothetical scenarios and imagining worst-case outcomes. Some argue that the What Ifs? precede and invite worry. In the process, you imagine negative and unwanted events. In your imagined What If? scenarios, you might question your abilities, second-guess decisions, and ruminate on potential negative consequences.

Paradoxically, engaging in worry and What If? thinking may provide temporary relief or a false sense of control. That’s the sneaky part about worry - it feels like a way of gaining control. It feels like you’re problem-solving or planning ahead. Once you understand your sensitivity to uncertainty, you can see why this sense of control is appealing and sticky. It’s your brain’s way of trying to create certainty.

Keep in mind that worry is just one type of control behaviour. It’s often the first control behaviour that we engage in in response to a perceived threat. The figure below outlines a number of types of control behaviours, including worry and rumination.

Positive Beliefs About Worry

Don’t get me wrong, most worriers have insight into the fact that worrying doesn’t help, especially given the costs of worry. However, worry is sneaky and in my clinical work, I see the often-subtle beliefs that people endorse that help fuel worry. These include beliefs like:

• "Worrying helps me stay prepared and in control."

• "If I worry enough, I can prevent bad things from happening."

• "Worrying shows that I care and take things seriously."

• "Worrying helps me problem-solve more effectively."

• "If I don't worry, I'll be caught off guard and won't be able to handle the situation."

These beliefs perpetuate the cycle of excessive worry by reinforcing the idea that worry is necessary or helpful. In my work, I aim to challenge and modify these beliefs, introducing alternative, more adaptive perspectives.

Don’t Worry, Problem Solve

It’s important to disentangle worrying from problem-solving.

Worry, by definition, is not helpful.

By contrast - assuming there’s a problem that can be solved and is worth solving - problem-solving is helpful and desirable.

You may resist the idea that worry isn’t helpful. You might even think back to times you feel that worrying helped you.

It’s possible that while worrying you sometimes also do problem-solving, but we need to call it what it is: it’s the problem-solving that helps, not the worry.

The majority of worriers I work with are conscientious, intelligent, hard-working people. This means that given the opportunity, they are generally very adept at solving problems. If you’re reading this, I assume that you are also a conscientious, intelligent, and hard-working person. You probably put pressure on yourself to achieve and “do the right thing.” This might be associated with worry and self-criticism. It’s imperative that we free up mental space and energy by pulling you back from worrying and letting you get on with problem-solving.

I incorporate “problem-solving training” to equip worriers with skills for managing uncertainty, anxiety, and worry. If you’re a competent professional, the idea that you need training in problem-solving might seem laughable. But, there’s actually a concrete methodology associated with true problem-solving.

Turning down the invitation to worry and, instead, turning your attention to high-quality problem-solving is empowering. Contrast that with the disempowering, demoralizing effects of worrying.

Problem-solving involves several steps:

• Problem Identification: Is there an actual problem to be solved? If so, is it a concrete current problem, or is it an ambiguous, future-oriented hypothetical problem? Is it a recurring problem or a new type of problem? Can you pinpoint the true nature of the problem in a way that enables solution development?

• Reflect on Your “Problem Orientation”: Are you seeing the problem (or problems in general) as abnormal? If so, you might be exercising what’s called a “negative problem orientation.” This includes viewing problems as abnormal, permanent, and all-encompassing. Research has shown that people prone to anxiety and low mood often have this orientation. And, it’s fueled by your inner critic. So, at the outset of trying to solve a problem, reflect on ways you can integrate an empowering problem orientation, compassionately reminding yourself that problems are normal, the problem is likely in one domain of your life and doesn’t define you, and the problem is likely temporary (even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment).

• Brainstorming Solutions: If you’ve found a current, concrete problem that’s worth solving, the next step is to generate a wide range of possible solutions without judgment or evaluation. This step encourages creative thinking and opens up possibilities. I encourage out-of-the-box thinking.

• Evaluating Solutions: Once you’ve developed a list of potential solutions from your brainstorm, consider the pros and cons of each potential solution, weighing their feasibility, effectiveness, and potential outcomes.

• Implementing the Solution: Pick the option that you feel is most effective and give yourself permission to give it a try. It may or may not get you the outcome you’re looking for. Problem-solving, especially testing out new solutions, is a skill. Be patient with yourself, it’s not supposed to be perfect. The win is in taking control back from your worry and empowering yourself to take action in your life.

I don’t want to over-simplify the skill of problem-solving, but inevitably this article is not going to be exhaustive. I don’t suggest that every time you have a potential problem that you need to take out a notepad and follow the steps above. However, with practice those steps will become automatic and you will feel a new sense of control over your worry. Problem-solving gives you an alternative to worry.

Many clients who are used to worrying find relief in knowing that they don’t need to listen to their worry anymore. Although they still experience mental chatter, they know that worry isn’t actually useful. They find resolve in knowing that instead of worrying they can outline concrete problem-solving steps around things that they actually control. This is a far more empowering way to live your life.

Positive Beliefs about Uncertainty

In addition to modifying beliefs about worry, I also focus on cultivating positive beliefs about uncertainty. I encourage you to embrace uncertainty as a natural part of life and work. If you’re a worrier, I know that sounds extreme but play around with it. Some examples of positive beliefs about uncertainty include:

• "Uncertainty allows for growth and learning opportunities."

• "Embracing uncertainty promotes flexibility and adaptability."

• "Uncertainty is an anti-dote to boredom and can make life more interesting."

• "Not all uncertainties need immediate resolution or attention."

• "Accepting uncertainty reduces the burden of excessive worry."

• "Uncertainty is associated with creativity and innovation."

Tolerating Uncertainty

Not all problems are worth solving. And, just because you’re worried or anxious about something, it doesn’t mean that there’s a problem to be identified and solved. Because of the sensitivity of our threat detection systems, a lot of the time when you get activated and anxious and it’s just a false alarm - there’s nothing to be done or solved.

If you’re in a situation where:

• There is nothing you really can or want to do to exert healthy problem-solving on the situation; or,

• You’ve already implemented your solution but there’s remaining uncertainty…

…then you need to tolerate the lingering uncertainty. It’s a skill that takes practice. Do this gently and compassionately, giving yourself credit for the effort you’ve put in and for the fact that uncertainty is really uncomfortable for you.

The integration of mindfulness practices will enhance your ability to navigate uncertainty. Mindfulness involves cultivating a non-judgmental awareness of the present moment, allowing you to observe your thoughts and emotions without becoming entangled in them. By developing a mindful stance towards uncertainty, you can cultivate a greater sense of acceptance and non-reactivity. After all, you can’t control everything. This perspective helps to break free from the grip of worry and facilitates the development of more adaptive responses to uncertain situations.

Trying to control uncertainty goes hand-in-hand with the Buddhist concept of craving. This post summarizes the concept of craving and provides a straightforward description on how to start meditating.

Takeaways

• Reflect on your relationship with uncertainty. Do you get activated by uncertainty and then engage in worry or other unhelpful “control” strategies?

• When your mind is inviting you to worry, question whether you’re falling into one of the subtle positive beliefs about the utility of worry.

• Instead of worrying, try concrete problem-solving by following the steps outlined above. Do this self-compassionately, it’s a skill in and of itself.

• Recognize the line between what you can control and what you can’t. Even once you’ve implemented good problem-solving, there’s still going to be uncertainty on some level. Practice with mindful acceptance - and tolerance - of uncertainty. You don’t have to like uncertainty, but be curious about the upside of not fighting it. There’s a high cost to worry, especially considering that it’s not helpful. Free up your energy to problem solve (if there’s a concrete problem to be solved) and then practice riding the wave of residual uncertainty - it’s a way more empowering orientation to an uncertain world.

Acknowledgments: This article is informed in large part by the work of Dr. Michel Dugas and his collaborators. If you’re interested in learning more about this research and approach, you may want to check out: The Generalized Anxiety Disorder Workbook: A Comprehensive CBT Guide for Coping With Uncertainty, Worry, and Fear