Buddhism's Most Important Lesson (in my opinion)

Apparently, there were some pretty serious worriers back in the day, because Buddhism has a lot to offer anyone who suffers from chronic worry or a proclivity to ruminate.

Clinicians have a built-in aversion to concepts that aren’t novel. This is why mainstream psychology is only recently “rediscovering” ancient wisdom. In this article, I summarize my favourite teaching from one of the key ancient philosophies - Buddhism.

When you’re worrying you either want something to happen or want something not to happen. The Buddha would say that you’re craving an outcome. While experiencing the associated anxiety, you’re probably also craving an emotional state in which you feel less uncertain and more calm.

• For more background on why we worry, see my previous post here.

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Introduction to Taṇhā and Dukkha

When you’re worrying you’re craving.

Even if you’re not worrying, you might still be wanting someone or something to be different than what it is. You might ruminate on - or even daydream about - how you wish things were or how you hope they’ll be in the future. You might also wish that things were how you believe they used to be.

The Buddhists use the term taṇhā to describe this craving (and the related concepts of “wanting,” “thirst,” or “desire”).

Related, the term dukkha means suffering. Suffering can include a range of emotions including anxiety, stress, disappointment, or fear.

1. Taṇhā is the main cause of dukkha.

2. This means that craving is the main cause of suffering.

Why is that? It’s because by engaging in imagining something being different than what it is you’re automatically noticing a discrepancy between how something is and how you want it to be. It’s like a baked-in form of disappointment or frustration. It also pulls you away from appreciating what’s good about the way something currently is. At best, that type of mental imagery is taking your mind to a different time and place (in the past or the future) and away from the present moment.

Taṇhā is a natural and automatic human reflex that comes in various forms. Some practical examples include:

• Craving for sensory pleasures, including physical and emotional states.

• Craving for status, approval, or dominance.

• Craving an event or outcome.

• Craving to have something that someone else has.

• Craving to be something that someone else is.

• Craving related to your body or wanting your body to be a certain way.

• Craving for something or someone to be a certain way, including people and relationships.

• Craving not to be something.

• Craving for the removal of unwanted feelings like uncomfortable emotions or physical pain.

We have hundreds of cravings playing out in our lives at any one time. We crave for a meeting to go a certain way, we crave a certain job, we crave for our favourite sports team to win, or we crave for a person to treat us a certain way.

The Buddha outlined three different causes behind taṇhā:

• raga (delusion, confusion, bewilderment, ignorance)

• dosa (attachment, desire, sensuality, greed)

• moha (aversion, anger, hatred, hostility)

A certain level of hope and desire are motivating and healthy. But, constant automatic craving, wanting, hoping, and analysing is toxic to our happiness. The Encyclopedia of Buddism points out a helpful quote from Professor Rupert Getchin that illustrates why runaway craving is incompatible with the world we live in:

There is a discrepancy between our craving and the world we live in, between our expectations and the way things are. We want the world to be other than it is. Our craving is based on a fundamental misjudgement of the situation; a judgement that assumes that when our craving gets what it wants we will be happy, that when our craving possesses the objects of its desire we will be satisfied. But such a judgement in turn assumes a world in which things are permanent, unchanging, stable, and reliable. But the world is simply not like that. In short, in craving we fail to see how things truly are, and in failing to see how things truly are we crave. In other words craving goes hand in hand with a fundamental ignorance and misapprehension of the nature of the world.

We live in an ever-changing world. As humans, we get attached to people, things, and emotions. We grasp for things to be a certain way and stay a certain way. But, because of impermanence, this is a losing battle and the result is suffering.

To be happy, it is critical that you learn to notice unhealthy craving.

Never Satisfied

Not only are we suffering when we’re craving, but it’s a fundamental truth that even when we get what we thought we wanted, it doesn’t usually feel the way we thought it would. Even if it does, the human mind will just serve us up with another thing to crave - our cravings can never be satisfied.

When you really start to watch your mind, you see how much wanting, craving, and controlling it does, especially if you’re a worrier. You get attached to outcomes and emotions. You’re constantly wanting - or not wanting - a range of experiences. Sure, that wanting can be related to excitement or motivation, but a lot of the time it just causes a lack of stillness and feels disruptive, if not downright distressing.

I see a clear link between taṇhā and our modern obsessions, compulsions, and even addictions.

Think about your relationship with social media. We get little dopamine hits from scrolling through content but the craving never seems to be satisfied and it’s easy to scroll for what often ends up being an embarrassingly - and unsatisfyingly - long time.

Well-established psychological principles support the Buddhist notion of taṇhā being unquenchable. The hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation, is a proven psychological phenomenon. It refers to individuals tending to return to their baseline level of happiness or subjective well-being after experiencing positive or negative events in their lives. It’s the reason why in the long-term lottery winners are no happier than others. And, in a testament to human resilience, why even those who undergo grave losses, over time, often return to their baseline level of happiness.

Action Item

I don’t want to be moralistic about any of these concepts. It’s not bad or shameful to want things in life or to want things to go well for yourself. Striving towards healthy goals is critical. It’s also critical to develop healthy attachments to others.

Even Buddha says that there are things worth striving for.

I also don’t want to suggest that reigning in craving is easy. I have a very “busy” mind that will almost constantly crave, grasp, and analyze if left unchecked.

The goal is to gain some healthy control over unhealthy craving.

As an act of self-compassion learn to notice when your craving represents unhelpful control that’s causing suffering.

Notice when you’re chasing or craving something that once attained will simply leave you unsatisfied and wanting more. Understanding taṇhā tells us that this happens more often than not.

Non-attachment in relation to things you don’t control (hint: that’s almost everything in life) entails developing a sense of separation between the self and your thoughts, experiences, and emotions, and recognizing that everything in life is impermanent, especially your emotions.

A key tenant of Buddhism is connecting to the present moment (easier said than done). By pulling yourself back from craving, you get better at experiencing the present moment.

I cringe when something I’m reading offers a vague platitude like “simply try to notice…” So, let’s be specific about this.

To reduce taṇhā, it’s imperative that you get some practice with mindfulness meditation. It’s too important of a skill to ignore. I have found great benefit from it and top performers the world over swear by it. To start, I recommend setting a goal of at least 10 minutes of practice 5 days a week for one month. That’s about 4 hours of total practice for something that could change your relationship with craving for the rest of your life.

Here’s how to start practicing mindfulness meditation.

1. Be Flexible: It doesn’t matter when you do this or exactly how. The best mindfulness practice is the one you’ll do. Ignore overly rigid advice when it comes to meditation.

2. Compassion and Credit: This stuff isn’t naturally easy or fun. You’re winning by just putting in some time and effort. Not to be judgy, but think of all the people who don’t or won’t. You’re making time to practice a valuable skill - give yourself credit.

3. Set a Timer: Before you begin, set a timer for 11 minutes: 1 minute to get settled and 10 minutes of practice.

4. Find a Comfortable Position: Start by finding a comfortable seated or lying position. You can close your eyes or keep them softly focused on a fixed point.

5. Bring Attention to the Breath: Now, direct your attention to the natural flow of your breath. Notice the sensation of the breath as you inhale and exhale. You don’t need to control the breath in any way. Nor is the goal to make yourself calm. The goal is to try to keep your attention on your breath. Like ocean waves, your breath is always with you, so it’s a convenient source of focus to try to train your brain on. Notice the emphasis on try.

6. Expect Distractions: Here’s the annoying part. If you’re like me, you will now be bombarded with distractions. These will take the form of anything from planning work emails in your head to noticing uncomfortable physical sensations. Distractions are inevitable. When they happen, gently congratulate yourself for noticing that your attention has shifted away from the breath.

7. Gently Return to the Breath: When you catch your mind drifting away, gently acknowledge the distraction without judgment, and then kindly bring your attention back to the breath. Remember, use the breath as an anchor to the present moment.

8. Be Kind to Yourself: Don't be hard on yourself when distractions arise. Instead, try to approach each moment with self-compassion and understanding. Recognize that the mind's nature is to wander, and you’re simply training it to return to the breath with patience and acceptance.

9. Non-Engagement with Thoughts: As thoughts, emotions, or sensations arise during the practice, try to allow them to come and go like passing clouds. Refrain from getting entangled in their stories and gently shift your focus back to the breath.

10. (Try to) Stay Present: Throughout the practice, remind yourself that you are here, in this moment, breathing and observing. Try to embrace the present with an open and curious mind.

11. Wrap-Up: When the 10 minutes are up, gently “come back” to the room and slowly, mindfully get on to whatever is next in your day. Give yourself a fist bump for putting in the effort, knowing that you have just exercised the most powerful muscle in your body - your human mind.

In your day-to-day life, you’ll start to notice more quickly when your mind wanders towards specific thoughts or desires (in the Buddhist sense, cravings). Through breath observation mindfulness, you develop the ability to observe the fluctuations of your mind and emotions more objectively. This heightened awareness can help you recognize patterns of attachment and grasping, leading to greater insight into the nature of your thoughts and feelings and preventing unnecessary suffering.

By paying attention to the sensations of the breath, bodily experiences, thoughts, and emotions without getting caught up in them, mindfulness cultivates a heightened sense of present-moment awareness. This increased awareness enables you to recognize and observe cravings and desires as they arise, without immediately reacting to them.

By developing this ability to step back and observe thoughts and emotions with less judgment (again, easier said than done), you gain a greater understanding of the impermanent and transient nature of cravings. You might notice yourself becoming less entangled in external desires.

Mindfulness also facilitates "savouring" by helping you better engage with experiences, and making it easier to find joy, gratitude, and connection (it’s corny, I know).

Another way to look at mindfulness is as mental training for your “attentional muscle.” As you repeatedly bring your focus back to the breath amidst distractions, you build mental resilience. There’s great evidence that the practice helps with focus, concentration, and attention. The results show up on brain scans. That’s why it’s a first-line treatment for folks with ADHD. Over time, this practice can lead to improved focus, clarity, and a better ability to sustain attention on tasks in your day-to-day life. It helps you become less reactive to distractions and better equipped to handle challenges.

Through the combination of noticing taṇhā and developing a stronger attentional muscle, breath observation mindfulness empowers you to live more mindfully and intentionally. By being more attuned to your thoughts and desires, you can make wiser decisions and cultivate a sense of inner freedom. I don’t want to be dramatic, but over time regular practice of mindfulness in this way can lead to positive changes in how you relate to yourself, others, and the world around you. Just start small though.